Tag: conversation

The parent’s guide to teenage depression

Posted on by EHN Online

The parent’s guide to teenage depression

Teenage years can be difficult. Adolescents are dealing with changes to their bodies, social circumstances, and the pressures that come with rapidly approaching adulthood. Along with the added pressures of social media, it’s unsurprising that an estimated one in five teens experience depression.1 What is surprising is that even though depression amongst teens is well documented and common, many teens never receive help. One reason for this is that it can be hard to know the difference between regular teenage moodiness and depression. It’s even harder to know what to do about it.

If you suspect your teen may be depressed or facing another mental health issue, the sooner they receive help, the better their outcomes for recovery. That said, with so much stigma still surrounding mental health and the challenges associated with identifying depression in teens, parents are often left unsure about where to begin. Rest assured that there is information and resources to help you navigate this time.

We recently spoke with Dayna Browne, the youth team lead and counsellor for EHN’s Healthy Minds Comprehensive Teen Program, to get her expert opinion on this topic. You can watch our video with her below.

 

What is teenage depression? How is it different from depression in adults?

Whether talking about adult or teen depression, there are several signs and symptoms that indicate someone may be suffering. A person does not have to display all symptoms from the following list to be considered depressed, but it is important to consider how long symptoms last for. Someone experiencing even a few signs for most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks may be suffering from depression.

Signs to look for include:

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
  • Irritability
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
  • Fatigue or decreased energy
  • Moving or talking more slowly
  • Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Appetite and/or weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease with treatment2

While depression in teens can present in the same way it does in adults, there can be some differences. In speaking to us, Browne said, “Teenage depression is really no different than adult depression, but I do want to really highlight and emphasize that in young people, it can manifest quite differently.”

Along with different triggers and causes, there are several symptoms that are more common in teenagers than adults:

Irritable or angry moods: While depression is often characterized depression by sadness, irritability is often the predominant mood in depressed teens. They may be grumpy, hostile, easily frustrated, or quick to anger.

Body aches and pains: Depressed teens frequently report physical ailments such as headaches or stomachaches. While these symptoms could be caused by a physical illness, if a doctor can find no other cause, don’t rule out depression.

Sensitivity to criticism: A predominant feeling for many teens experiencing depression is worthlessness, increasing their vulnerability to criticism, rejection, and failure. This is why understanding how to talk to a teen is so important. Browne emphasizes a nonjudgmental and open-ended approach when speaking to teenagers.

Withdrawing from people: Much like adults who tend to isolate when depressed, teenagers may socialize less than before, pull away from their families, hang out with a new social circle or spend time with fewer friends.1

Is this depression or just teenage moodiness?

There are a few factors parents can look for to distinguish between depression and an everyday bad mood, but namely it helps to consider two things: duration and persistence.

It’s likely that throughout our teenage years, we all will experience many symptoms of depression at some time or the other. That’s just one of the joys of puberty. But when the depressive symptoms persist for weeks, parents should consider other more serious causes.

“The things that parents should really watch out for again is persistent and considerable changes in a youth’s functioning and behaviour. Specifically, so that it interferes with everyday activities that are required, or things that the youth would typically participate in or do.” Browne notes.

She also adds that two weeks is a good length of time to see if symptoms persist and judge if a teen may be experiencing more than just a bad mood.

What causes depression in teens?

Much like how adult and teenage depression may manifest in different ways, teens are facing a unique set of challenges at this phase in their life that contribute to their mental state.

Browne notes “In terms of the reason or the underlying factors [for teenage depression], sometimes it’s biological chemistry. We know that depression has to do with neurotransmitters and other predispositions, however in youth, there could be other sorts of significant triggering events for a young person, something like the loss of a loved one, breakup, friendship and peer difficulties… as well as bullying and other stressors can really impact a youth’s depression level.”

She adds that all these factors can just become too much to handle.

“I think all of these things [triggers] can really cause a sort of spiral in depressive symptoms, and so these are some of the factors we consider when we’re assessing and treating depression in youth.”

Browne’s comments are supported by Stanford Children’s Health, who report that teens face difficulties that they’re ill-equipped to handle emotionally. By nature, they feel powerless against these situations.3

Aside from life events and family history, other factors that play a role in causing depression include social environment, medical conditions, and negative thought patterns. Other possible triggers for teen depression are learning disabilities that make academic success difficult, hormonal changes affecting mood, and physical illness.

How to talk to a depressed teenager

Parents have an opportunity to create a safe space for their teen to discuss their mental health, or even just to feel comfortable with themselves and their thoughts. One of the key aspects to keeping communication open is to ensure you are actively listening instead of lecturing. If your teen comes to you with mental health concerns, offer them a safe space by taking their worries seriously and acknowledging their feelings without judgement.

As a parent, don’t worry about having all the answers right away.4 This can be an opportunity to ask open ended questions and learn together without preconceived notions about what your child is experiencing. Like anyone else, sometimes all a teenager wants is to be heard and validated.

As many teens may be reluctant to reach out to their parents for help, it often rests on the parent to open the dialogue. Let them know you’ve noticed a change and want to check in and see if they’re alright.

Once your teen has communicated that they’re struggling, keeping an ongoing dialogue and addressing what can be done is important. This could include asking your teen what they need. They might already have a good idea of the next steps they’d like to take. If not, you can work together to find a logical next step that they are comfortable with.

It can be difficult for some teens to talk with their parents about certain subjects, so offer additional places and people where they can go to seek support, such as a school counsellor, another family member, a local mental health or youth organization, a website, or a phone line.4

Talking to a healthcare professional is also a great thing to do. Visit your family doctor so they can assess the situation and refer your teen to specialized mental health services, if needed.

Ways to help your depressed teen

There are several ways you can help your teen if they’re struggling. Many of those ways are connected to self-care and total wellness and can be easy to implement at home.

“We want to ensure they’re eating well, sleeping well, hygiene, all the normal things. When we take care of our body, we know it’s directly connected to mental health, so we want to ensure that parents are supporting their youths doing that,” Browne adds.

Physical activity is also very important. Aerobic exercise, walking, yoga, or other meditative practices release positive chemicals in the brain that effect mood. Because many of these activities can be done socially, they support the need for interconnected interactions and feelings of love and support.

Parents can also support consistency with scheduling and routine that can help a teen who is having trouble regulating their internal state. Ensuring families are eating dinner together at the same time in the evenings, having scheduled time for homework, and boundaries in place around social media can all help with mood.

Finally, in a time of increased stress, ensuring teens have time for fun and relaxation is key.

If you believe your teen could benefit from outside help, don’t be afraid to seek it. It’s always better to address the problem earlier rather than later. If you notice symptoms like decreased energy, irritability, and sadness persisting for weeks, it is time to explore some options. This might mean contacting your child’s school, talking to a healthcare professional, going to therapy, or seeking community support. No matter what, as your teen’s advocate, it’s up to parents to take an active role.

Remember that you are not alone

Teenage years are exciting but also challenging times. It is important to keep in mind, particularly on difficult days, that teen depression is common and can be treated. Addressing signs of a mental illness early on helps people to learn coping strategies and better communication skills, which they can take into adulthood for more well balanced and healthy lives.

If you are worried about your teen and think a community program would be a good fit, look into the virtual Healthy Minds Comprehensive Teen Program at EHN Online. As an online therapeutic program for teens struggling with mood or anxiety disorders such as depression and anxiety, the program works to help teens manage or alleviate their symptoms. This is done through evidence-based therapies from trained clinicians as well as practical approaches to help them cope with their day to day. The program is customized to meet the interests and schedules of teens, as it does not interfere with their school schedule and has built in elements (like the Wagon app) geared towards their age. If you would like more information around the program, contact us to learn more.

Teenage mental health impacts parents as well. It is common to worry about whether you are providing the right type of and amount of support to your child. By taking the time to learn about teenage depression, you are already on the right track. For those who would like to increase their knowledge of mental health and practice useful skills, to further support your teen, the Healthy Minds Comprehensive Teen Program includes multiple caregiver sessions. These three-hour sessions are based in emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help caregivers foster a healthy, informed, and supportive environment for their teens to grow.

Remember that your teen, even though they may not currently be displaying the more positive or loving aspects of their personality, is still very much the child you know and love. They deserve to have the best care and support possible to recover from the very real struggles they are currently facing.

Help your child get the support they need. Contact us today.

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Resources

1 Smith, M., Reid, S., Sega, J., & Robinson, L. (n.d.). Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression. Https://Www.Helpguide.Org. Retrieved October 26, 2021, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/parents-guide-to-teen-depression.htm

2 NIMH » Depression. (n.d.). Retrieved October 26, 2021, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression

3 Stanford Children’s Health. (n.d.). Retrieved October 26, 2021, from https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=understanding-teenage-depression-1-2220

4 Talking to Teens About Mental Health. (n.d.). Retrieved October 26, 2021, from https://cmha.bc.ca/documents/talking-to-teens-about-mental-health/  

Mental Illness Awareness Week – Starting the Conversation

Posted on by EHN Online

Mental Illness Awareness Week – Starting the Conversation

Man and woman talking on balcony. Mental Illness Awareness Week - starting the conversation

With Mental Illness Awareness Week upon us from October 3rd – 9th, followed by World Mental Health Day on October 10th, there’s never been a better time to educate yourself and others about the importance of mental health. That includes checking in on friends and family who may be suffering and starting important conversations.

Oftentimes, people don’t seek out the treatment they need in the early stages as they don’t recognize the symptoms. October 3rd begins a week of national reckoning about the breadth of mental disorders, how they can be treated and how we can help stop the stigma still sadly associated with them. Mental Illness Awareness Week not only brings some much-needed attention to these devastating disorders, it aims to help people understand the symptoms so they can get the help they need. Considering 1 in 3 Canadians will experience mental illness during their lifetime, this is something that simply cannot be ignored.

 

The 8 most common types of mental health conditions 

Whether occasional or chronic, there are many different types of mental health conditions with many different symptoms. Here are some of the most common types:

Anxiety – We’ve all experienced anxiety, whether before an important test, presentation or life event. An anxiety disorder on the other hand, is an illness that causes people to feel frightened, distressed or uneasy for no apparent reason. This type of anxiety can seriously interfere with a person’s quality of life, affecting their sleeping and eating patterns, and in severe cases, their ability to function through life.

Bipolar Disorder – This mental health disorder is characterized by extreme highs and lows in mood and energy, beyond regular mood swings. Everyone experiences ups and downs in life, but people with bipolar disorder experience them at higher frequency and severity. The shifts that occur within this condition are severe and can seriously impact a person’s life, causing major disruption within the family. They can even affect a person’s ability to hold down a job.

Schizophrenia – People who suffer from this challenging disorder have a difficult time distinguishing between what’s real and what’s isn’t. They may see or hear things that aren’t there (hallucinations) or have unusual ideas or views that aren’t shared by others (delusions). They also have a hard time thinking clearly, managing emotions, relating to others and functioning normally, which typically causes them to act out in confusion or fear.

Eating Disorders – Those struggling with an eating disorder often become obsessed with food, body image and/or weight. One of the most common types is bulimia nervosa, characterized by periods of binge eating and then purging with laxatives or vomiting. The other is anorexia nervosa, when people avoid food completely or severely restrict their intake. Both conditions can lead to serious health issues, such as heart and kidney problems, or sometimes death.

Depression – One of the most common mental health conditions, depression causes people to lose pleasure in life. More than just experiencing a day or two of sadness, for those suffering, the sad feelings don’t go away. They persist and interfere with everyday life causing a person to feel extremely tired, empty and hopeless, and in extreme cases, can even lead to thoughts of death or suicide.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – After going through a traumatic experience, it’s completely normal to go through emotions like fear, distress, helplessness, guilt, shame, anxiety or anger. With PTSD, those feelings don’t fade away, and the person feels stressed or frightened long after the trauma is over.

Addiction/Substance Use Disorder – For some people, the use of substances can become problematic and lead to dependence. Those suffering from substance abuse disorders have distorted thinking and behaviours causing them to have intense cravings and changes in personality. Often a person’s ability to function in day-to-day life or maintain valuable relationships becomes severely impaired.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – This anxiety disorder is characterized by repetitive, uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts with irrational, excessive urges to do certain actions. These repetitive acts help relieve stress and anxiety brought on by an obsession as the person suffering believes that these rituals will help prevent something bad from happening.

 

Having a conversation about mental health 

It can be difficult for someone to talk about their struggles with mental health, but creating a judgement-free zone and showing your support is a great way to get help them feel more comfortable and open up. However, it’s important to understand that this is an extremely touchy subject to broach and it can go sideways at the slightest turn. That’s why it is strongly advised that you seek a professional consultation before you initiate the discussion so you know what to say and how to say it. Read on for some tips to help you have a successful conversation.

 

Knowing when to start the conversation 

You don’t need to be an expert to recognize when friends or loved ones need help, although there are a few signs to look out for. Please be advised that this is just a guide to help recognize some of the changes that may occur in those who are struggling with mental health.

Changes in appearance:

  • Bloodshot or glassy eyes
  • Unprofessional appearance or poor hygiene
  • Unexplained injuries such as cuts, bruises, scrapes or marks
  • Dramatic weight loss or gain
  • Multiple physical ailments without obvious causes (like headaches, stomach ache, vague/ongoing aches and pains)

 

Changes in energy levels or mood:

  • Exhaustion or fatigue from lack of sleep
  • Loss of interest in pleasures of life
  • Feeling excessively sad or low
  • Unpredictable mood swings, including uncontrollable highs or extreme feelings of euphoria, irritability or aggression
  • Inappropriate verbal or emotional responses and behaviours
  • Relationship disharmony (e.g. how they speak about loved ones)
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Changes in sex drive

 

Changes in function

  • Decline in effort or performance (e.g. increasingly ordering takeout or not cleaning their spaces)
  • Changes in sleeping habits
  • Excessive worrying or fear
  • Noticeable errors in judgement
  • Decline in punctuality
  • Inexplicable absences in personal and work life
  • Difficulty perceiving reality (delusions or hallucinations)
  • Avoiding friends and social activities
  • Problems concentrating or learning
  • Inability to carry out daily activities or handle daily problems and stress

 

Ask yourself: are you the right person to start this conversation?

 An important thing to remember is that being supportive doesn’t mean it’s your duty to “fix” the person struggling. As you know, mental health is complicated and the solutions don’t happen overnight. If you’re comfortable being their sounding board, helping them navigate resources and providing encouragement, you’re already off to a great start.

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

Do they trust you? One of the biggest fears the person suffering has to overcome is having others find out about their mental illness. That’s why they rarely initiate mental health conversations themselves and will likely only talk about it with someone they know and trust.

Can you speak calmly and rationally? What they need most right now is patience and understanding. If you believe that you can provide that for them without reacting negatively to whatever they have to say, you could be the right person to have the conversation.

Can you be non-judgemental or accusatory?  Mental health issues don’t just affect the person struggling, but their friends and family as well. If you think you’ll have a hard time holding your strong emotions in, the conversation should probably be had by someone else.

 

Tips on how to start the conversation about mental health

The most important thing you can do before beginning a conversation with a loved one about their mental health is to get rid of your expectations. Remember, while it can be a big relief for someone to share their personal experiences with mental illness, these struggles often require more than one conversation.

For starters, pick a quiet place to talk without distractions, like a park or a beach. You could also grab a snack and take a drive (which is a great solution if you feel the person you’re talking to wants to avoid eye contact). Lastly, ensure that they are not manic or under the influence when you have the conversation or it could backfire.

Here are some questions/phrases to help get you started:

  • “How have you been feeling lately? I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed (insert adjective: distant/overwhelmed/tired).”
  • “Is there anything I can do for you right now? What do you think you need at this moment in time?”
  • “What do you usually do to cope with stress? Have you found anything that works well for you?”
  • “I noticed you haven’t been around as much lately, is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

 

How to provide continuous support to those suffering 

So you had the conversation with your loved one. They responded and are (thankfully) starting to get the mental health treatment they need. What do you do next?

Stay supportive. Continue to be their listening ear so they don’t feel isolated while going through treatment.

Stay in touch. If you don’t live with them, check in regularly. Offer to go grab a coffee or go for a walk so you can talk things out in a calm environment.

Stay curious. Don’t be afraid to ask how their treatment is going, just remember to always be tactful and compassionate when inquiring.

Stay vigilant. If you’re concerned that your loved one is at risk of harm or they’re talking about ending their life, this could be a medical emergency. Call 911 and stay calm until help arrives.

Stay aware: Continue to educate yourself and take note of helpful resources that you can offer to share with them. To find resources specific to your region, visit the Canadian Mental Health Association.

 

Conversational do’s and don’ts when addressing mental health 

Ready to start the conversation? Here are a few tips on how to help someone struggling with mental health and avoid the pitfalls that can stop this important conversation in its tracks.

DO

Listen. Let them get all of their thoughts out without interrupting. After they’ve finished, then you can respond.

Ask them what they need. No matter what have they to say, take them seriously and don’t minimize their feelings.

Talk about options for support. Do your homework so you’re aware of the treatment options available and can help point your loved one in the right direction.

Remain calm at all times. Though some of the things they share may be worrisome, do your best to be a pillar of strength so they can get their feelings out.

 

DON’T

Judge or criticize. Insulting their emotions or actions doesn’t help and will only push them away.

Worry about having all the answers. Remember it’s your job to listen so you can help guide them towards getting the help they need. It’s not up to you to provide it. If you can, prepare yourself with some resources that can help, ahead of the conversation.

Force communication, lecture or try to fix the problem. While you understand how much of a relief it can be for someone to share, it’s not your job to get it out of them or try to solve it.

Use a confrontational approach to incite guilt or shame. Acting in this way will often push those who are struggling away as they will want to avoid feeling worse than they already do.

 

Mental health support on the go 

Need some help remembering the tips you read here today? Download our useful infographic for a takeaway summary of this article, including tips on how to help support your loved one’s emotional well-being through their mental health struggles.

 

Be prepared for conversations surrounding mental health. Contact us today to learn how EHN can help.

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EHN CAN HELP

Whether you’re an individual who needs help with your mental health or substance use disorder, a friend of someone struggling or you’re an employer with employees who need help—we’re here for you. Call us 24/7 at one of the numbers below to start a conversation about how we can help you.

 

This Mental Illness Awareness Week, do what you can to acknowledge the realities of mental health disorders. Reach out—check in on friends, educate yourself, start valuable conversations. You may be surprised at how great of an impact it can make for someone struggling.

Are you enabling a loved one’s addiction?

Posted on by Hailey Montgomery

Are you enabling a loved one’s addiction?

If you’ve ever watched a loved one struggle with an addiction, you know it can be a heart wrenching, isolating, and frustrating experience.

There are many different ways to support a loved one going through an addiction, but how do we know if we’re — consciously or not — enabling  their behaviour? If we know the traits of an enabler, we can stop our behaviour in its tracks and better empower our family or friends to seek life-saving treatment or harm reduction services.

What is enabling?

Simply put, “enabling” means to contribute to or support someone’s self-destructive behaviour. According to the American Psychological Association, an enabler is typically an intimate partner or good friend who passively permits or unwittingly encourages this behaviour in the other person; often, the enabler is aware of the destructiveness of the person’s behaviour but feels powerless to prevent it.”

It’s important to remember that while there is often a negative stigma attached to the term, we’re most likely not acting maliciously or trying to do any harm as enablers. Most people are trying to be loving and supportive, but just don’t know how. That said, if we can be conscious of our enabling, we are in a better position to help our loved ones recover by empowering them to change.

What does enabling an addiction look like?

When it comes to addiction or substance use disorders, like alcoholism, there’s more to being an enabler than actively encouraging or participating in the behaviour. Here are some examples of enabling that are a bit more subtle:

Making excuses

When we love someone, it’s easy to make excuses for all sorts of negative, self-sabotaging behaviour. But when it comes to substance use, the stakes can be high. This might look like telling other friends or family that someone’s addiction “isn’t that bad,” or excusing it altogether.

This is tempting and can seem innocent, but it shields the person from the real consequences of their actions.

Bailing them out

Addiction can impact every aspect of a person’s life, making it difficult to keep up with important commitments or obligations. In more severe cases, they can fall into financial or legal trouble.

Family and friends help each other out in the toughest of times. So, if we have the means to pay legal fees, repay debts, or loan money to someone in a bind, we often feel like this is the right thing to do. While it is kind and understandable to want to make someone’s life a little bit easier, this can actually encourage their addiction.

For someone trying to recover from an addiction, knowing they have people in their corner can make all the difference. But financially supporting their habits might give them a false sense of security and delay the realization that their substance use has become a serious problem.

Blaming others

We know that addiction isn’t a “choice” and that there are several biological and social factors that make some people more vulnerable. That said, when a loved one is struggling with addiction, it isn’t productive to blame other people for their actions.

It’s easy to place blame on a friend who actively encourages or joins in on their substance use, the strict boss, the spouse or partner that broke their heart, our ourselves. But it’s important to remember that this doesn’t help.

There will be people that are objectively toxic for someone who is trying to recover from addiction — but blaming these people for the addiction itself takes away the addicted person’s agency and teaches them that they are not self-sufficient.

Covering up or lying

If someone you care about is constantly forgetting or skipping important commitments, you might find yourself lying to others on their behalf. While this might seem helpful, or like you’re saving the person some embarrassment or stress, it is not recommended. By hiding your loved one’s addiction, you’re making it less likely they will be held accountable. In order to seek treatment, someone must fully understand the consequences of their substance use issues. It might seem harsh to not cover up for someone you love, but doing so is ultimately counterproductive.


Check out our recent blog on how to support a loved one struggling with addiction.

How can I help? 

Addiction recovery is a group effort

A strong support system can make a huge difference in someone’s recovery. Here are some steps you can take to help someone in your family who is showing signs of an addiction or substance use disorder:

  • Educate yourself. There is plenty of stigma and misunderstanding surrounding addiction and mental illness. Having a better understanding of what your loved one is experiencing physically and mentally will foster empathy and open dialogue. In fact, your loved one might not fully realize that they have an addiction.
  • Express your concerns. If you have an intimate relationship with a person struggling with addiction, you are likely the best person to start this conversation. You don’t have to be an expert, but it is important to tell your loved one how much you care and that they have your support.
  • Support yourself. Supporting a loved one with an addiction can be extremely draining – you don’t have to do it alone. Consider joining a loved one support group like Al-Anon and sharing your experiences in a safe environment. Check to see if your loved one’s treatment program includes family support or therapy.
  • Research treatment options. Certified clinics offer outpatient or inpatient (live-in) treatment options and a variety of different therapies. Whichever facility you choose, make sure the clinicians are accredited and registered with their relevant professional college.

Edgewood Health Network can help

At EHN Canada and EHN Online, we believe that all families impacted by addiction deserve support. Those who participate in our programs can invite loved ones to join monthly online Family Education Workshops and continuing care groups. In these workshops, friends and family can learn to assist their loved ones as they integrate recovery skills into daily life, as well as receive education on how to maintain their own wellbeing along the way. In addition, Family Aftercare is a weekly group offered virtually for family members. 

We make the process of getting the qualified help you need easy. Give us a call to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey to recovery. With facilities online and across Canada, we can find a program that’s right for you. 

Bellwood (Toronto, ON): 866-281-3012
Edgewood (Vancouver Island, BC): 604-210-8713
Ledgehill (Lawrencetown, NS): 866-419-4483
Sandstone (Calgary, AB): 866-295-8981
Gateway (Peterborough, Ontario): 705-874-2000
Nouveau Depart (Montreal, Quebec): 866-738-5572
EHN Online: 866-345-8192
Or contact us by email. 

 

After finding the right program, you can get started on your recovery, supported by EHN Canada, a recognized leader in addiction and related mental health services. Wherever your symptoms fall, we can help you find a new and better place to thrive.

Contact us to learn more about our IOPs and Family Programs.

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Resources to help you:

Info-Social 811
811

ParentsLine
1-800-361-5085

Wellness Space Canada
1-888-417-2074

Al-Anon
Support group for relatives

Sources

APA Dictionary of Psychology – Enabling. (2020). American Psychological Association. https://dictionary.apa.org/enabling.

Juergens, J., & Hampton, D. (2021, May 6). What Is an Enabler? – Stop Enabling Today. Addiction Center. https://www.addictioncenter.com/treatment/stage-intervention/what-is-an-enabler/

How to talk to and help someone with addiction

Posted on by EHN Online

How to talk to and help someone with addiction

  Serious conversation between loved ones It is normal to be unsure of what to say and what to expect when talking to a loved one who is suffering from an addiction. Even if you are not comfortable talking about it, you should do so as soon as possible in order to help them. Problem use can trigger anxiety or depression, impair the proper functioning of organs such as the liver and kidneys, and can lead to serious and possibly fatal health problems. Fortunately, this disease can be effectively controlled with your support and evidence-based treatment tailored to the needs of the person suffering from addiction.

Does my loved one need my help with their substance use disorder?

How to know if someone is struggling with addiction

Your loved one may be exhibiting some worrisome behaviour, but how do you know whether they are experiencing a rough patch or a true addiction? Recognizing to increase their chances for recovery. In general, a person with a substance use disorder:

  • does not take care of themselves anymore;
  • has increased mood swings, is not their self on a daily basis;
  • has increased difficulty achieving daily tasks (ie at work or school);
  • is unable to control their consumption;
  • uses substances to help cope with difficult situations;
  • has increased the frequency and quantity of their substance consumption;
  • may lose consciousness and suffer amnesia as a result of the substance;
  • finds more pleasure in consuming than in being with friends or family.

There is no single cause of addiction; it is often the result of a combination of genetic and social factors. The individual may have a genetic predisposition or an underlying mental health disorder that triggers and fuels the cycle of addiction (called a concurrent disorder).  

Am I the right person to talk to my loved one about their addiction?

If you are the spouse, friend or family member or a person struggling with addiction, you’re likely the best person to start the discussion. Your loved one trusts you and knows that you care about their well-being. It’s normal to be worried or unsure of how to approach the subject. Here are some common mindsets that can set back the conversation:

I am afraid that they won’t talk to me anymore.
Understand that your loved one may be reluctant to have this conversation at first. In order to maintain your relationship, you should be clear that you are concerned for their wellbeing and want to help. By identifying yourself as an ally and following them on their steps to recovery, your relationship can become even stronger than it is now.

I am not a professional. I’m worried that I won’t say the right things.
Starting the conversation is definitely not an easy thing to do. You can’t predict your loved one’s reaction, but you can prepare yourself for the discussion. It’s all about the approach. Before you talk about it, make sure you understand addiction and have solutions to offer. Many people research potential groups, counsellors or programs that could be of use prior to starting the conversation.

How to prepare for a conversation about addiction

Educate yourself on addiction

Take the time to research and understand addiction, how it works, and why it happens. You don’t need to be an expert on the topic, but it is helpful to have a general understanding of their situation before beginning the conversation. This will help you to better understand and empathize with them so that you can have a more positive and open conversation. Below are some important things to know before approaching the subject.

How can an addicted person not realize that they are addicted?
While their addiction may seem obvious to you, it is more difficult for the person experiencing it to identify what is happening. Addiction begins in the unawareness stage. This is when the person consumes a substance in increasing frequency and quantities, but do not find this situation abnormal. They do not try to solve their problem because they do not recognize it. After a major event (such as an arrest, missing an important meeting, or letting down a loved one), an addicted person may enter into the awareness stage. However, this does not mean that they will always seek help. The misconception and stigma surrounding addiction often discourages people from seeking help.

Addiction is a disease, not a choice.
The World Health Organization identifies addiction as a disease in which an individual regularly experiences a strong or compulsive desire to consume a psychoactive substance (drinks or drugs, including prescribed medication, that affect one’s mental processes such as perception or consciousness). This compulsion is a results of profound changes in the brain. As the American Society of Addiction Medicine explains: “Addiction is a chronic disease that affects the brain’s reward circuitry, motivation, memory, and other associated circuits. Dysfunction of these circuits results in characteristic biological, psychological, social, and mental manifestations [ … ] This condition results in the use of substances to provide relief [ … ] .

A diagnosis is required for proper recovery.
Addicted persons require professional help to control and recover from their disease. Without proper care, their condition may deteriorate rapidly. They may develop serious health problems such as psychosis, schizophrenia or central nervous system degeneration. Remember that addiction is a heterogeneous disease, meaning it is often caused by a combination of different genetic and social factors. Because of its varying elements, proper medical intervention is required.

Identify the severity of their symptoms

While you cannot diagnose your loved one’s severity without the help of a medical professional, it is helpful to consider this so that you can guide them towards the best possible treatment. A person with mild to moderate symptoms is usually able to carry out daily activities and responsibilities with some control over their substance use. Individuals experiencing severe symptoms of addiction will struggle to remember, address or carry out important tasks and will have little control over their urges to use. At EHN Online, a specialist will make an initial assessment over the phone to determine the level of severity and propose a treatment plan adapted to the person’s needs.

Find support for yourself

Living with or being around someone who has a substance use disorder can affect you greatly. You may feel overwhelmed and need support in order to best help your loved one. Designated loved one support groups such as Al-Anon can help you to talk through your experiences with people in similar situations to find comfort and solutions. If your loved one decides to seek help, check to see if their treatment program includes support or therapy for loved ones. EHN Online’s intensive outpatient programs recognize the importance of family programming to not only support the person undergoing treatment, but to maintain the wellbeing of their loved ones.

Organize your approach

The way in which you choose to present your concerns and possible solutions is important. Don’t be afraid to write down your ideas and bring it with you for the discussion. Tell your loved one that you want to ensure you are able to communicate clearly and effectively so that you can help them. Being honest and transparent about this will encourage them to do the same.

Research certified addiction clinics.
Don’t walk into the conversation empty handed. Make sure you have prepared a list of possible solutions to the problem you are discussing so that you loved one understands that the purpose of the conversation is to help them. Research clinics to find out what treatments are available. Make sure you find treatment centres that are certified and offer quality, medically-based treatment. Certified clinics offer two types of treatment:

    • Outpatient treatment: for those with mild to moderate symptoms of addiction. EHN Online offers group therapy and individual meetings via video conference.
    • Inpatient treatment: for people with moderate to severe addiction symptoms. The person is accommodated in a center and supported at all times by professionals.

Choose the right time to talk about it.
There will never be a perfect moment to have this conversation, but some situations are better than others. Try to speak with them when they are not under the influence of a substance to promote a calm, rational and productive conversation. It may be helpful to plan this around a time when they may be coming down from a recent intoxication where they might feel guilt after excessive use. They may be more receptive, as they are experiencing the negative consequences of addiction. A person who is not experiencing the unpleasant effects of substance use will find it harder to accept that they have a problem. With that being said, try to focus on several concrete and frequent situations during your conversation rather than just one isolated event.

How to have an effective conversation with your loved one about their addiction

Not sure where to start? Talk about a change in behaviour. For example, you might point out that the person no longer participates in activities they previously enjoyed, doesn’t engage with friends, or their general demeanour has changed. Your examples should always be concrete, so try to think of very specific situations or reasons for your thinking. It is important to listen closely to their responses, and to demonstrate your concern for their well being. This will help them to see that the goal of the conversation is to help rather than accuse. Remember, you can always refer to the notes you prepared if you fear the conversation might derail.

Do’s and don’ts when addressing addiction

Make sure to:

  • find a private place so as not to be interrupted;
  • listen to what they have to say and address their emotions or concerns;
  • discuss the negative effects of their drinking on the most important people in their lives, such as their children or yourself;
  • remain calm at all times, even when addressing your concerns;
  • keep a positive and respectful tone;
  • show compassion and understanding to encourage an open conversation;
  • use your previous research to discuss potential solutions.

Try to avoid:

  • lecturing or criticizing them for their actions;
  • making judgements or jumping to conclusions;
  • using a confrontational approach which implies that they should feel guilty or ashamed;
  • making vague or debatable statements such as “You are always late when you drink”;
  • fuelling addictive behaviour (e.g. giving money that could be used to buy drugs or alcohol);
  • causing extreme distress, which could lead to increased substance use;
  • excusing their behaviour;
  • using ultimatums to force the person to stop using.

Remember that a person suffering from addiction relieves their negative emotions with substances. You don’t want your conversation to provoke such a situation.

Anticipating reactions to conversations about addiction

Reactions are difficult to predict, as each person is different. As a general rule, a person who is approached with the issue of addiction for the first time will likely have a strong and negative reaction, criticize you for discussing it, and deny their addiction. You should have realistic expectations about what might happen after the conversation. Be aware that your relationship may deteriorate temporarily and that you will not see an immediate change. Your loved one will require your ongoing help and support in order to stop using their substance. Stay on alert in the following days for any signs of increased use, as they may turn to their substance to cope with distress caused by this conversation. Rest assured that these reactions and situations are normal in this context. A person suffering from addiction does not want to face reality. They may feel ashamed and close themselves off to protect themselves. If you feel too much resistance, stop the conversation and offer to talk about it another time. You will have taken the first steps and the person will have time to reflect on your discussion. Make yourself available and attentive so that your loved one understands that they can talk to you at any time.

End on a positive note

Tell the person that you are there to support them at every stage of their journey. Explain that you will help them find a suitable treatment and accompany them throughout the healing process. Respect their choice if they are not ready to start right away and remind them that you will help them when they are. If possible, schedule a check-in for the near future to ensure that the topic is not brushed off and that your loved one doesn’t feel nagged when it comes up again.

Next Steps: How to help your loved one with their addiction

Finding the right substance use program

If your loved one agrees to accept help for their addiction, you can help them find the best treatment center for their needs. Make sure any centers you look into are certified and offer a relevant program. Some important questions to ask are:

  • Is there an initial medical assessment to provide your loved one with a personalized treatment plan?
  • Are there any subsequent assessments during treatment to ensure that they are still responding to the changing condition?
  • Is there any medical supervision?
  • Are the therapists accredited?
  • Is there aftercare? A family support program?
  • Are the practices evidence-based such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT)?

Supporting a person in recovery

Following treatment, your loved one will have to reintegrate into their environment. The person in recovery needs to change certain aspects of their life to avoid relapse. Returning to an identical environment may provoke the same emotions or situations that initially triggered the cycle of addiction, so it is helpful to create a new routine with them.  You can do this by:

  • Helping them find new passions and activities to stay busy.
  • Offering to arrange your weekly schedules together to ensure you have time to attend each other’s support group meetings;
  • Making sure there is no alcohol or drugs in the house so as not to present any temptation.

Keep in mind that you do not have the power to cure a substance use disorder for your loved one. You can, however, support them through all the stages of recovery. Talk to your loved one as soon as possible before their condition has a serious impact on their health.

Call now to learn more about EHN Canada's Inpatient and Outpatient programs for substance use disorder.

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Resources to help you:


Info-Social 811
811

ParentsLine
1-800-361-5085

Wellness Space Canada
1-888-417-2074

Al-Anon
Support group for relatives